Like any man who was raised in the sticks, played high school football, served in the military and has always wondered how Sammy Hagar could've ever written a song as great as "You Better Love Somebody," I've always been ambivalent/condescending re: fashion. "Who gives a sh-t?" I'd say, wondering aloud if it was all a ruse, something women just made up to talk about.
But I must say, after my first runway show, I asked the obvious question, "who's buying these dresses?" and Trish, with amazing indulgence (think asking Bill Gates "what's your highest score on Ms. Pac-Man?") walked me through the whole process of what it actually meant to see a piece on the runway and have it end up in your closet. She took me through the whole journey, from the runway to Europe and back again, from A to Z. Unreal. Unfortunately, she lost me when she got to B (and by "B" I mean "A.") But whatever she was saying sure sounded impressive. There are a few things that crossed my mind at the runway shows, however.
1) I learned you don’t hafta necessarily be pretty to be a model. If you have the freakishly right body, they can live with the rest. Ironically, the same can be said for an offensive lineman in the NFL. Life, eh?
2) I was shocked to find out that runway shows are generally about 10-15 minutes long. I don't know what my pre-conceived notions were; I guess if asked I woulda said oh, 2-3 hours. But I am a man, so obviously 1 minute always equals 15 for me, so....(cough)
3) I was shocked to realize that models worked for more than one designer. For example, a model might stroll down the runway for one designer, then sprint down the street to model for another designer. I guess I would've thought, however wrongly, that the models would be LOYAL! on the TEAM! and completely dedicated to their designer, never to be separated! But then again I was shocked and horrified when Brandon ditched the Peach Pit to work at the beach for a summer, so what do I know?
A great, eye-opening experience for a fish out of water. Against my own best wishes, I did gain a modicum of respect for fashion as an industry. Though the clothes themselves still make no sense.
DIET UPDATE
As I’ve written before, my weight loss had hit a depressing speed bump; for some reason I could find no motivation to get me going in the right direction. I was inhaling chicken mcnuggets while pounding 24-oz cans of Colt 45, all while wondering why I couldn’t flip the switch and start the diet. Something seemed to be propelling me to do the exact opposite of what I knew I should be doing. So I decided something drastic needed to happen and this past Monday I started the Atkins Diet. I know, it’s stupid, it’s unhealthy, etc. But I felt like I just needed a little boost of success to get me over the hump. Positive reinforcement, if you will. And here it is Friday and I’ve lost…10 pounds!!!! I can’t believe it. I feel a lot lighter, and a LOT more energetic. And let’s face it – what else would I rather be eating than meat and cheese wrapped up in more meat and cheese, boiled in melted meat and cheese? Camon. Obviously I won’t stay on it forever, but it’s given me the impetus to really go for it again.
The ONLY bad thing about the diet is apparently there is a bakery baking fresh, unbelievable-smelling bread every block I walk on. I’m serious, every 30 steps I take I’m like what the…am I being overwhelmed by the smell of bread baking? I look around, no bakery in sight. Yesterday I actually thought for nanosecond “is a bakery following me?” Not just bread, but a whole bakery baking bread. So I’m losing my mind along with the weight I guess, but oh well, I’ll take it.
But whither looks Mr. Eva? Hmm, he seems to be checking out someone else whilst wifey is chatting. Admit it girls, we all know this look. It's the one where we kick them subtly on the calf or rib-stick them with an elbow and say "I'm sorry, is my red carpet event posturing getting in the way of your TOTALLY OBVIOUS ogling?"
Another favorite picture featuring who? No, not Donna Karan (looking good, Donna! Love your bias cuts! Viva le headlights!), but that guy in a turban behind Donna. Yes, it's my stalker crush, Andre Leon! Regular readers are familiar with my Andre Leon obsession. Vogue's editor-at-large is always the biggest guy in the room, turban or no turban. And wait, let me say it first, "What is the meaning of life, Swami AndreLeon?"
Posts
