Sunday, January 27, 2008

Don't Let Him Eat Cake

We return to the scene of the crime: Xmastime, our manny blogger, is at the kid's birthday party, trying (?) to stay on the diet track. C'mon, Xmas!

I tried to blend into the woodwork while chewing on some celery sticks and drinking bottled water, but when those big brown eyes looked up at me and said 'please Uncle Xmastime, please join my celebration by eating some birthday cake,' my resistance was broken down and I allowed a small piece of yellow cake (no icing!) to melt slightly in my mouth before washing it out with a bottle of Evian when she turned away - all followed by an almost ugly scene where I had to be convinced to be driven the 100 miles back to NYC, as opposed to walking back for the exercise.

I got no idea whose party it is or who the f--k this kid is, I just knocked some lady over doing a 2 1/2 pike into the cake, my snout is buried 3 inches deep in icing and I have no idea where my shirt is. Shaking in Crisco-induced convulsions I am dragged into the back seat of a car, and I wake up hours later in my room to MASH reruns.

So 3 outta the last 4 days were complete disasters. My spirit, I will admit, is a tad broken. I look at the INC 33s hanging on my wall and I'm frustrated that the week didn't go as well as planned. Heartbroke. But I know the next week will go better. Hell, I reckon it can't get much worse. And whether, as I move along in my journey, I am slow to succeed or quick to fail, my own humanity is marked by Ben Franklin, who once famously said: 'any man who would give up freedom for security deserves neither, cuz I'm long, and I'm strong, and I'm down to get the friction on, so ladies, ladies, do you wanna roll in my Mercedes? Then turn around, stick it out, so even white boys got to shout, baby got back.'"
Oh, my, Xmastime. We gotta get him off the c*a*k(e), cause I'm pretty sure Ben Franklin is misquoted up there. Return next weekend to see if Xmastime ever comes out of the sugar coma.


Anonymous said...

A journey of 1000 ounces begins with one bite.